ok.

well.

I am glad its over .yet not. I feel like if we (as humans in general) just keep going forward, going forward, never correcting our problems, we'll never get it right. the right person is never just around the corner... there will always be something about them that you don't love. maybe I am just not cut out for relationships. I can't try enough, the other person doesn't try,or get it, or I make poor choices to begin with and put myself in situations that are rigged so that I cant ever get it right. sometimes people do come around but I cant find it in my heart to go back and love them like I used to no matter how hard I try. I am forced to just give up and hope that maybe someday I can just exist without that need to love and be loved. doing that under the right circumstances is tricky. it's like our hearts believe we shouldnt have to try, we belive it should just be right all on its own while its all the little things that matter. even if you dont realize it at first and you tell yourself its fine.

another thing I cant stand anymore is time. theres never enough of it. all I want to do when I have some free time is to just sit on my ass and exist. I just spent my afternoon cleaning. theres always something else i should be doing. I still have laundry and clutter to get rid of. it seems endless.

and I will go through the motions of yet another week.