Last night before falling asleep I was crushed with horrible childhood memories. it made me feel like my chest was being pushed on and panicky. but everythings fine now. I've just been thinking alot lately on how theres so much that you experience as a child that helps shape who you are. I think little kids are kinda great, but its sad to see the bad habits of their parents already having such a strong effect on the way they act. especially my little sister.

I love my parrot so much. as annoying as he can be hes still the cutest pet ive ever had. I love the way he ruffles all his feathers around when ever i come in the room similar to the way a dog shakes his fur. its almost like his way of stretching. its fun to hang out with him every morning and watch him investigate everything in the room. if i bring something new in he has to check it out. he takes breaks from investigating to groom himself, eat, and come over and say hi to me. he dunks his dried fruit into the water and eats it slowly. he told fil once "maries cooking is a little too dry."

Its fall and I love every second of it. my birthday, halloween, that crisp feeling in the air like something new and great is to come. I always think back to how much i loved trick or treating and how exciting it always was for me to dress up. I'm actually looking forward to winter as they make for some of the coziest memories. I got a new winter coat for the first time in at least 5 years. turning 21 I feel like I'm actually more officially an adult now. and its neat yet sad. I hope i stay imaginative and playful as I grow older. I don't ever want to become a washed out serious nervous adult mess that society seems to produce a lot of.

as uncertian as the future and growing older alwats seems, its so neat when I realize I have so much ahead of me though. even if I dont accomplish much of anything, as long as I experience and feel and love, I cant ask for anything more!

last * next