.friends after flings.
just about everyone I've dated or have had a fling with that rejected me for someone else, or just because they weren't satisfied has later made it known that they feel they made a mistake or tried to hook back up with me whether it be a month after or 2 years later. sometimes they might even have turned it around in their head that I rejected them somehow. It's not really a big deal, I just don't like it at all when someone contacts me out of nowhere just to tell me this or to act like they just want to hang out and be friends meanwhile they have other feelings or intentions. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt yet I don't. this is why I need to make more strait female friends. I've always found it easier to be friends with guys for some reason and a lot of the time it just doesn't work out. I suppose it helps when you don't have a history with someone. so I become the jerk when I don't hang out with these people who don't respect my wishes?
.that feeling in my gut.
so I was bored and looking at jasons phone while he was showering. I got nosy and found erotic text messages from the previous girlfriend. duh to me. he didnt even know they were still in there. I got a weird feeling in my gut from having to imagine him with someone else, not so much me being suspicious, just the image in my head. i also felt guilty for reading it. I suppose everyone gets this, and i havent experienced it in a long time. "was it better?" i hate the idea of being with someone that has already found and lost someone amazing and may never feel as good with you. well anyway, the feeling didn't last long, and I'm sure its normal and not worth pondering over.
.unspoken re-assurance. (a completely opposite feeling in my gut)
so yesterday I noticed something so striking. a pair of content, and genuinely happy eyes looked right into mine. complimented by a calm smile, big pupils, and something that I couldn't put my finger on was different about them, in a really good way.