Saturday, Jan. 15, 2005 : fear makes friends with joy (part 2)
I'm feeling kind of off again. I haven't had much energy. painted with jason and his parents yesterday, it wasnt as bad as i thought it was going to be but my sleep schedules all messed up and I was falling asleep on the way home. all tuckered out. fell asleep at jason's and woke up still feeling tired... slept more, i'm ok now. just in a strange mood. I spent an hour looking for a piece of paper that says exam dates locations and times so i can take my written for my cosmotology state lisence. couldnt find it. I realize now more than ever that I'm not even looking forward to that line of work at all anymore. and i should at least get my licesnse to have it so i didnt go to school for a year for nothing (again).

I'm growing more and more irritated with myself. I get anxious for no reason. I get scared of bad things happening a lot. i'm always at war with myself. and its always the same things. part of me is still trying to convince myself that being in a relationship is a bad idea. I love that about myself. it never changes.

but yeah, other than that things are pretty good. i really have to get my head together.