this is awful. I cant breathe, I'm in a state of suspended panic until you get back and I don't know why. it was mild at first and it just gets worse with every passing minute. I know now that I'm either truly insane or this is it, you are really my everything and I can't be without you. I'm lost without you.I held you away at arms length and i couldnt admit it but now i cant help but live and breathe that truth. and you fucking better be for real. my biggest downfall is that I doubt the validity of everything. and if its not that I doubt the staying power. any outward admission to this can start the self fulfilling downfall. and for the first time my mind has had room to wander, to drift over these ideas. but I have faith in this. I have to believe in something despite my nagging mind. I dont have a choice at this point. I need you. not just anyone... I know its you. and i hate that I cant function, that I'm that addicted. and amazingly, somehow you're in the same place....

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