Tonight at work was horrible, I kept hurting myeslf from trying to rush to get everything done. ive got this triangle shaped red swollen spot on my upper inner arm from hitting it on the end of a clothesrack, a bruised up elbow, and a sore neck from reaching just the right way while grabbing at something with the other hand. I ended up crying a little out of frustration, and built up feelings of past frustration. I don't deal with anything until later anymore. some more work complaining- I have a hard time getting along with jason anymore, not that I argue with him, he just always acts like he knows everything and it gets on my nerves. I cant say one random thing without a comment or a know it all answer. hes always so uptight and defensive too. and ad set is the most serious thing on the planet. he has to get so angry about it like its life and death. I kept making siren noises where no one could hear me to cheer myself up. then i thought of tom doing an impression of someone getting really mad and it made me feel better. I guess its a big pet peeve when someones got to be serious all the time or take themselves so seriously. at least eric is working there soon. he will balance out the ridiculous over-seriousness of that place.

another thing that bugs me out is the fact that I am supposed to report things to people when they happen in my life or they get upset. get out my address book and just go down my list and call people. I guess I don't know the protocall to keep everyone happy. but anyway, don't feel singled out, nobody gets a personal phone call announcement. I have the binghamton gossip queen to take care of that for me. yes, I met someone. I'm sorry if you're upset still from when we broke up, but i'm not sorry that I met someone.

anyway... the big 21 birthday is in less than 3 weeks. and for some reason I don't at all care. I think each year I cared less and less about my birthday. all I know so far is I'm hanging out at an irish pub with gary, this goofy old guy from work, as his birthday is 2 days before mine, and we are going to eat bar food and drink beer. hopefully someone will come along and maybe he will bring someone he knows. gary is chill and all, flanders hangs out with him all the time i guess, but i dont know if i can handle a one on one with an old guy in an old man's bar. ha, it just sounds bad doesn't it? he says he will buy my drinks if i get him a birthday present, so what do you get for an old guy anyway? bengay?
I need to get out of this place for a few days. its been a while since ive traveled anywhere. everything just gets stale after awhile. i feel more and more like a loner every year. I don't have the group up with people mentality at all. in fact, i avoid large groups of people cause its never all that fun. IQ's drop and it gets harder and harder to even have the desire to try and raise my voice and be heard. it all seems so silly sometimes. in some situations its ok, when people are all on the same page, have a similar sense of humor, arent all begging for attention, and when people are actually willing to listen to someone besides themselves talk, but how often does that happen, among our age group especially?
I go back and forth from thinking everyone else is crazy to wondering whats wrong with me and how did I end up suck a crazy wreck? occasionally I'm thinking both. I don't deal with anything the same way at all anymore. I care less and less what people think because thinking isnt an impressive task anymore. did that make any sense? I don't even know, I'm tired, I had a long night, and i'm in a bad mood. I should call it quits on this rant and just go to bed.