so the show was really good. overall a good time, even though on the way home we hit a huge deer. It really sucks but I guess if we were going to hit one, the outcome wasnt nearly as bad as it could have been in jason's little car. a tractor trailor knocked it down and flung it in front of us so we ended up going OVER the deer at a pretty good speed, as we didnt even hit the brakes at all.. instead of it coming through the windsheild at us, but it did hit the underside pretty hard and it made the car just shut off and wouldnt start after that, so we left the car on the side of the road and some guy stopped and dropped us off in binghamton on his way there. and jasons mom picked us up. its so strange how randomly these things happen. it left my mind thinking about all of these random possible situations and outcomes. then i started thinking about how even worse things could randomly happen when you least expect it and thats not a very good thing to be thinking about because it can become a paranoia. even when I was really little, I remember when I realized we cant predict and prevent things, i would wake up in the morning and think of a bunch of horrible things and say they would happen just so I knew they wouldnt. horrible huh? I still get fixated on stuff like that from time to time.

we were having such a good time, singing along to music, then it all just kinda happened so fast, like being woken up out of a really nice dream. next thing i knew I was at home in the dark with no one around and it just kinda hit me, I dont want to lose any bit of what I have.

theres just so much that doesnt matter to me anymore. and so much that now does.

what I really really like about jason, is stuff that does not matter, he doesnt stress about at all. or maybe he does and doesnt let on... I dont know.. Ive never met anyone like him though and the more I know about him the more I like... just lots of little things. its a good example how really great things can come to you randomly too.I wonder why are there some people you feel drawn do and some that no matter how nice they are they can be almost appalling, like what decides these things? plus... theres so many little things you do day to day that effects the entire direction your life goes in sometimes. I cant make sense of why or how these things happen, but I do know that ive found someone I have such a good feeling about that it scares the crap out of me. and its ok, its the best kind of scared I could ever ask for....

the end.

last * next