the second was about bush.
I'm in a really strange mood. sort of anxious. seems like the things that I cherish most about life are the things that scare me the most. I hate it. It hits me anytime I start to get comfortable. my brain goes on a high alert - "wait, these things all end bad. you were fine before, but you're just asking for trouble now."
then I argue "yes the chance of experiencing the feeling of having your heart ripped out of your chest is worth any amount of this that I get to experience! this is amazing, leave me alone!"
"fine. ok. but just imagine how much its going to hurt when this falls apart on you!"
then it throws in some bad memories for good measure.
so i either find myself imagining horrible things happening and giving into fear or.... no way not this time!!!! I'm a lot smarter now.
for some reason writing that out made me feel a lot better. its easier to tell how ridiculous it is when you take that quiet nagging out of your head and put it in front of you. I'm really tired. I'm going to go snuggle in my bed and watch ren and stimpy until i fall asleep or until my eyes bleed.