warm thoughts and memories. as happy and balanced as I can ever remember myself being. not as stressed out. not as lonely as before. i think back to other times before now and it amazes me that there will be many more after now. things could go all wrong, and then get better ten times over. who knows. I'll embrace what i have learned. I will teach myself to trust others again. I will be more forgiving, less critical of others, have less self hatred. I just know it. I love that I don't care about my place in life so much anymore, it allows me to focus my energies on better things. seems like a transition everyone goes through at some point.
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it's my moms birthday. shes one of those people that gesture means everything to. I could have given her a piece of cardboard with something written on it and she wouldnt be upset. theres a lot of qualities she has that I don't like, but I do like that shes not at all mean spirited or pushy. shes usually not judgemental, shes accepting, loving, forgiving, and on your side. she has her own unique way. sometimes shes too forgetfull and her not being so sharp can cause problems but she always means well. and its good to have had someone love me so genuinely my whole life. If i didnt have that as a kid i would have been completely lost now.

when people annoy you really bad i guess its good to think positive things about them now and then to balance it out.
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theres so much you learn in kidnergarten that most people forget completely. simple concepts, like if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all. I like little kids. their minds arent completely washed away and unabsorbant yet. I allowed myself to wheel my burger king toy around on the walls and and on surfaces and it made me realize that little kids know how to relax so much better than adults and do, and they do it often or as needed.
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my little sister looks up to me so much and its neat to think that one day we will be able to talk on the same level. I hope I will influence her in a positive way, as my parents kind of lack dimension.
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jason is fixing my car for me again. I want to do something nice for him in return, but I don't know what. he is the nicest, and i like him lots. I hope we are together for a really long time... Ive never really gotten along with someone so well. he doesnt make me uneasy at all, in fact he makes me so unbelieveably calm and just happy in general.

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