I am realizing more and more that a lot of the time my mood is not really representative to the way my life is going. before it was easy to blame it on my life because it wasnt going so great. and now I get moments where I am happy but then I go right back to feeling not so happy for no good reason, no matter what I tell myself. I have things that I love, things that I am thankful for, I know its not because of the way my life is going at this point. I get irritable and upset because stupid things. I hate it. things I should only mildly dislike in the people around me drive me nuts. this needs to stop. I think I just need to start admitting to myself and the people around me that I have a problem with this and try and do something about it before it gets worse again. I'm going to try and get some health insurance and I'm going to need to talk to the parents about why so they can try and see if i can still go on their insurance a little faster. I guess thats the hard part, as I have never gone to them about anything emotional related ever. just sore throats and upest stomachs. its probably not going to be as big of a deal as it is in my head and I will probably feel much better once it is out... but still... its just hard for me to even admit to myself that I have a problem like this, and I don't really know why. I just want to feel better. I know its going to be a problem working at a salon having to deal with people so directly. and thats reason enough to not have to deal with it on my own anymore in my mind. I know where i need to be, and this isnt it.

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