Sunday, Nov. 14, 2004 : overtired sunday's ramble
life is strange. its like theres many different kinds of "reality" people exist in. I realize more than ever that no one has it all figured out. careers, money, social agenda, its all bullshit. thats what they think is their reality, and they exist mainly in it and miss out so bad on whats real and good. (jasons parents)... It's really sad to me you don't see how amazing he is and that you treat him the way you do.

I doubt this is going to make any sense.... but it almost feels like something about my life right now is exactly how I fell asleep and dreamt it would be like one night long ago. especially with jason, I dont know why, but it sort of seems like its a scenario I wrote out and then got to live through. I, being this thing that I have no memory of prior to this. and its like i know how the story continues on just barely enough because I know myself well enough?
but I swear I had a dream like this once, where I was with someone so similar. sometimes it seems unreal. the fact that its so undeniable, yet calm and truthful? I cant actually really pinpoint what i'm feeling is out of place. maybe the fact that nothing seems out of place? even the chaos of my house, the way my life has been... it all just feels so odd, and its strange that I had to go away and come back to get a good sense of balance when things here are just as bad, if not worse than before. I think I know the difference exactly actually,... the difference is now I know things will change and be different and better, and before I could only imagine them as staying the same or being worse. thats the beauty of life, it can all start turn around in a minute and you may not even realize it until years later.