nights off feel so nice. the internet is never as fun as I want it to be. i do the same things everytime now, its getting boring. i found my paper diary from last year, and I didnt write much in it but i read it and it was really weird to do so. it was like I was reading someone elses, not my words. but I started writing in it again anyway. I get tempted to rip out the pages all the time with any diary ive ever kept, despite the fact that the stuff I currently write now I may want to tear out a year from now. so stupid. nothing much is going on, my grandpa got transferred to albany because they could no longer care for him in syracuse. If I get that sick I do not want to go through all that especially when i am probably going to die after it all anyway. i would rather just die i think. I don't know, maybe he will make it through it. I just have a feeling he wont cause hes had to go back so many times for this, it isnt going away.

I cut a lot of my hair off.

I havent felt like myself a lot these past few days. kind of out of it, distant, distracted, bored. time passes really slowly. I don't like that feeling. especially the not myself one.

I am ok though... content for the most part. things will work out no matter what.

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