I'm all moved in, and this week has gone by really fast, yet really slowly. I drank last night and got really sad. I thought way too much about things, and I couldnt stop. I lumped all of my lifes struggles into one sick feeling, realizing that there will always be struggle, I will always feel alone and out of place, is just really sickening and scary. Ive felt sick to my stomach ever since, and still sort of weary. I dont want to go in cricles my whole life, I like stability. and I get so discouraged sometimes for no reason. I guess it didnt help that earlier I found out that I failed my state test. I had a feeling I would as it was the day from hell, why would it all just go away that easily?

I dont know what I'm doing, I dont think I ever will, and it never feels like i'm ever moving forward even If I am. I just want to be happy with what I have even if its not what I wanted. I know theres times where I can be perfectly fine, and I just want to feel like that again.

I'm sure this weekend will make me feel better. theres plenty to do, just getting a haircut brigthens the whole day for me. and thats what I intend to do very soon.

oh yes, and If I havent already told you we are having a party this weekend at the house i just moved into. either friday, or sunday, or both. call me if you want details on how to get here.

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