its been a billion years since I've written anything. I havent felt like expressing myself to anyone really, and I find when people try to bring it out of me it just ends up boring me or annoying me. sometimes i just like to be left alone about things and resolve them myself... it comes natural to me. About boards, I found a new model,its toms mom and its great of her to let me cut her long hair shorter. I'm going to practace this week by myself, and next week maybe get ahold of her and practace on her. theres apparently a party here this weekend, which I didnt know about until yesterday. I was supposed to go to new jersey with jason but it looks like hes not going to end up going, so i'll be around for this but I'm not sure how into it i'm going to be. lateley I feel like people are starting to dislike me. I can understand if its true but at the same time I dont see why. mostly just a couple of certian people. I dont really care except one of them I considered my best friend and now i wonder if i'm just another girl. sometimes I think karma does exist and I deserve everything bad because of the things I might have done to other people. always thought it was a pretty silly idea, I like to believe in random chaos mostly. or nothing. seems more realistic. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm everything right now seems like its all coming apart yet coming together at the same time. I just need to figure myself out. I've been confused about a lot of things I thought I was sure of. I've changed a lot, and probably not for the better. I lie a lot more. and I hate it. I thought I knew what I wanted but I don't at all. I've been doing a pretty good job of becoming what I hated. must be sort of like a "If you can't beat em, join em" thing. its a lot easier to just give in to being a piece of shit and not let crap bother you. But I really dont want to make people hate me, make enimies, or hurt anyone in the process. I'll just end up hurting myself, and blkah bnfpoakjsfg;lakjga;gljksdg;lksgdbpokewtgblahblahblahblahgdslkgpwoejkspojgdsldvjslkvj
pooooooop poooooooooooooooooooooooooooooopeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I need to get myself together.

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